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August 19, 2012

Alison Brooks has done a good job of imagining how other famous authors would have written LOTR. The list includes Ian Fleming, PG Wodehouse, Oscar Wilde, Raymond Chandler, George Lucas, Dylan Thomas, James Joyce, Gene Roddenberrry, Rudyard Kipling, and many more. Here's the Kipling:

I went round to an elven inn, to buy a glass o' beer
The owner looked at me long-nosed, "We don't serve your kind here"
The elf maids giggled fit to die, pointing out my height
But I swim in booze whenever there is Evil in the Night.

Yes it's Gimli this and Gimli that
And go away you brute
But it's To the Front, our faithful friend
When the bows begin to shoot.....

But I think the PG Wodehouse is my favorite:

"Sam, I've decided to go and overthrow the Dark Lord by tossing his jewellery into a volcano."

"Very good, sir. Should I lay out your crazy adventure garb? I presume that this will pose a delay to tea-time. I would remind your Hobbitship that your Great Aunt Lobellia Sackville-Baggins is expected for tea."

"Blast! I say, bother! How can a chap overthrow the Dark Lord? I suppose I will have to delay my campaign."

"Very good, sir. I believe you will be free in about a decade."

"I'll do it then. Make a note, Sam."

Filed under Books | permalink | August 19, 2012 at 12:49 PM

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