Ron's Log

World's 10 Most Disgusting Beers

It only lists ten, so I have to guess that positions 11 and 12 would have been occupied by Budweiser (or Bud Light) and Clamato and Heineken...or, that is, Heineken as sold in America. I've not had the good fortune to drink Heineken in its home country yet.

State Fair Food

I know the food at carnivals and fairs can be bad for you, but even I was shocked at most of the items on this list. Every single one requires deep-frying, of course, except the Kool-Aid Dill Pickles which are probably fat-free. Also, the "Cool Dog" is not deep-fried, and doesn't sound too bad.

A cool dog will quench your hunger for salty and sweet. It's a hot dog that replaces the bun with sponge cake and replaces the weenie with ice cream. The condiments are replaced with chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and sprinkles. Sounds pretty cool-dog-a-licious.

Tea Advance

You probably know that tea is good for you, but we all know that making tea has two gigantic drawbacks:

1. You've got to be aware of how long you've kept it steeping, and
2. You have to lift the tea (the teabag, whatever) out of the hot water.

Oh, groan, my mind and back are already aching just thinking about all that effort.

TeaCube to the rescue! You attach your tea bag to the plastic clip and stick it all into your hot water. In 3 minutes the TeaCube automatically drags your teabag out of the water. I'm sure that future versions will allow you to customize the steeping time.

Of course, some will thank that sticking a piece of plastic into hot water will not help the flavor at all; and that dragging the teabag up and out of your cup is going to leave a mess.

No word on where to buy this or for how much.

"Pork Arista & Desert Hot Springs"

Evanne Schmarder has an on-line show about cooking and traveling by RV. Here in Pork Arista & Desert Hot Springs she gives us her recipe for (guess what!) pork arista and talks about visiting (where else!) Desert Hot Springs. She likes the hot mineral water, she names some of the great nearby attractions, but she recommends Palm Desert for shopping and dining. I'll let Councilmember Russell Betts take that issue up with her.

Farmers' Market Success

Originally created to help small farmers sell their products to home cooks, the Santa Monica farmer's market has become so successful that the competition between home cooks, professional chefs, and big wholesalers has led to some tension. It seems that the Santa Monica Wednesday morning market is providing fresh, family-farm grown produce to restaurants and upscale restaurants across the country.

Pleasantly Fattening!

Last weekend when we camped out at San Onofre, Ky brought Mochi Ice Cream to the Saturday potluck dinner. The nearest Trader Joe's is only about 5 miles from the campground. I regret that I have spent so many years on this earth without having experienced Mochi Ice Cream!

A box contains 6 balls. Inside each ball is ice cream. Just regular, good ice cream. Available flavors are vanilla, strawberry, chocolate, mango, green tea, coffee and red bean (ogura). But wrapped around the ice cream is a smooth, velvety, dry, not sticky, rice flour pastry. It's as smooth as a baby's butt, and it doesn't melt like most ice cream coatings do. You eat these things with your fingers. You don't even need a bowl. You might need a small napkin to wipe your mouth, but your fingers will remain delightfully clean.

At camp the balls were half-melted, which had no effect on the wrap. I would just bite off a bit of it, suck out the slurpy interior, then pop the now-crumpled exterior into my greedy mouth. Here at home with the balls well-frozen, it's more like biting into an ice cream bar.

A "serving size" is a generous TWO balls. One serving has 230 calories, 60 of those coming from fat. It also contains 27 grams of sugar, 4½ grams of saturated fat, no trans fat. The package opens quietly, too, so I can safely recommend these for sneaking into movie theaters. Clean and quiet, the only person who could object is the theater owner who wants to sell you messy stuff at the concession stand.

Available from Trader Joe's or you can order them directly from Mikawaya. The company has an interesting history. Family-owned since 1910 in Los Angeles, they have been selling their pastries continuously with one interruption:

From 1942 until December 1945 Mikawaya was closed due to the Hashimoto family being relocated to Poston, Arizona, for the duration of World War II. On December 23, 1945 they reopened at 244 East First Street, next door to their pre-war location.

Just In Time To Crash On Super Bowl Sunday

Domino's Pizza has announced that you will be able to track the progress of your pizza via the internet from the time you order it to the moment it goes out the door. Unfortunately, the drive from the store to your door remains a black hole. Why don't they organize ride-alongs or maybe just put a camera inside the vehicle that records the journey on a little chip of flash memory which the driver gives to you along with the pizza. Then, while you eat the pizza you can watch to see if the driver sneezed on it.

The tracking site is here.

Are There Jell-O® Shot Suppositories?

A medically themed restaurant in Singapore serves cocktails in syringes and food in surgical pans (not bed pans) to customers in wheelchairs.

Y'all fat, and y'all eat too much

Those words were supposedly spoken by a waitress at the Manchuria Restaurant, a buffet style Chinese restaurant in Houma, Louisiana, to two men who were charged an extra $10 each because they preferred to dine exclusively on expensive items like crab and frogs legs - three times a week. One man is 6'3" and weighs 265 pounds. We aren't given the height of his friend, but he says this:

"I was stunned, that somebody would say something like that. I ain't that fat, I only weigh 277," Borrelli said, adding that a waitress told him he looked like he a had a "baby in the belly."

Apparently the staff at the Manchuria Restaurant are given to clear speaking.

"Food is for eating, not toys for your child," reads a sign posted on a wall in typewritten text. A handwritten addition reads "Or 20% added."

Martini In One Hand, the extended version

With the holidays close by here are some Holiday Eating Tips.

Have yourself a traditionally angst-filled strange little Norman Rockwell disaster..

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it.. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, 'WOO HOO, what a ride!'"

Garlic - Plus

I was shopping at my preferred box-wine outlet (Albertson's) when I spotted "Global Farms Premium Peeled Garlic" there amongst the vegetables. It's in one of those nice plastic bags that they sell dried fruits in, with a 21st century zip top and a bright label, looking very American. Inside it is peeled garlic which they have re-wrapped in little plastic baglets, 4 cloves to the baglet. I am sure the environmentalists are beyond cringing. They remove the protective skin from garlic cloves to replace it with plastic?! But prominently on the front is a paper sticker from NutriClean of (in bold) Emeryville, California, certifiying that the product is "Pesticide Residue Free." Very California. But in the store I failed to note the the faint text saying Produce of China. Nor did I detect the spelling error in "Individually Vaccum Sealed."

Oh dear. Pesticide residues are the least of my concerns when chowing down on Chinese produce. Unless we still count lead and mercury as pesticides.

A baglet of garlic.

Well, if someone should find my dead, cold body with excellent cardiac health, please begin litigation against the Communist Party of the People's Republic of China.

Guinness IS Good For You

Research at the University of Wisconsin (which, I suspect, was intended to reveal health benefits in American beers) shows that 24 ounces of Guinness a day is as good as an aspirin for preventing heart attacks.

In England, post-operative patients used to be given Guinness, as were blood donors, because of its high iron content.

Pregnant women and nursing mothers were at one stage advised to drink Guinness - the present advice is against this.

These Are Good!

I spotted these Candy Cane Joe-Joe's at Trader Joe's yesterday. I suppose the incorrect apostrophe is meant only to echo the apostrophe in the store name. I'm not much of a cookie man, by which I mean that I can resist them when shopping, but put a box of cookies in front of me and I will inhale them. But these appealed to me. I do like Oreos, and these are similar to Oreos except they have peppermint candy bits mixed in, and I love peppermint. Reading the ingredients I could find nothing that would absolutely stop me from buying them (no high-fructose corn syrup, for example).

So I bought 'em, and they are wonderful! From my Googling around on the subject, they seem to be a seasonal item, and last year they sold out well before Christmas in some markets.

72-Pound Turkey

A record breaking turkey weighed 85 pounds before slaughtering. Rich Portnoy cooked it for 15 hours.

On Top Of Everything Else, Now This!

Hops shortage causing price increases of 20% to 80%, depending on the variety of hops. And, for those of you who have enjoyed hops too much to understand, let me clarifiy:

Hops = Beer

London Dining

An inspired review of the Divo restaurant in London. It starts out like this:

A little over a century ago my Jewish forebears fled that part of Eastern Europe then known as the Pale of Settlement. Having eaten at Divo, described as London's first luxury Ukrainian restaurant, I now know why. It was to escape the cooking. There are many words I could use to describe the food served here, but this is a family newspaper and none of them should be available before the watershed. I can't deny my disappointment because the remaining candidates - awful, calamitous, the horror, the horror - don't quite do it justice without the visceral attack of the expletive.

And goes on to get even better!

Also Impressive

It's Organic Batter Blaster! That is, pancake batter in an aerosol can, like a whipped cream can. Video demonstrating its wondrous uses here. The website, while including ingredient and nutrition information, does not say what the propellant is.

They say it's available at Costco.

Cantaloupe Advice

A little bit of info I spotted in Cook's Illustrated.

Cleaner Cantaloupe

While researching various fresh fruits for our Summer Fruit Salad, we came across a surprising fact: Certain strains of salmonella can get into the nooks and crannies of cantaloupe's porous skin while they are growing in the field. Once there, they produce bacterial polymer biofilms—cardobydrate-based sheaths that protect the bacteria from even the most aggressive cleaning attempts. Our tests showed that even a scrub-down in antibacterial soap was completely ineffective in removing these dangerous bacteria, which reside only on the surface of the melons. To minimize the risk of salmonella infection, food safety experts suggest the following:

• Choose clean, unbruised, unblemished melons and stay away from precut melons.
• Use a sharp knife to cut melons—a dull knife can push the rind into the flesh, causing contamination.
• Trim away the rind before eating or storing, and store any remaining flesh in the refrigerator within two hours of cutting.
• Wash your cutting board with hot, soapy water after cutting melons.
• Make sure you keep cut melon well refrigerated if you plan on bringing it on a picnic.

It takes quite a bit to surprise the staff at Cook's Illustrated I think, so this info may be a surprise to you. I think the detail about the indestructible biofilm was the new info for CI.

Generally, I prefer ripe, slightly bruised cantaloupes. And then, after a plain water rinse, I juice the whole thing (rind included) in my Champion juicer. No ill effects yet.

Voice Of America on Dates

The Voice Of America does a little piece (with video) on the connection between date growing in the Coachella Valley and the areas of North Africa where the dates came from. A point is made that usually the dates ripen about 10 days after the beginning of Ramadan, so Ramadan dates are usually year-old, frozen dates.

Frightening Foods

You can just go here and read about six sickening foods that are actually "enjoyed" in some part of the world, or you could peruse my short list of spoilers to see if you want to brave it. The list includes:

• Eggs of the giant black Liometopum ant
• Cheese infested with living fly larvae
• Lutefisk - Prairie Home Companion doesn't come with photos, you know
• Baby mice wine - which is actually rice wine...with baby mice
• Boiled sheep's head
• Fertile duck eggs, incubated until the fetus becomes recognizably ducky and then boiled

Follow the link for graphic descriptions and photos.

Red Date

A couple of date farmers planted red zaghloul dates about eight years ago. Their trees are starting to bear fruit now. The zaghloul comes from Egypt, where they are eaten at an early stage while they are still crisp.

Franzia

CNNMoney.com has an interesting, longish article about Fred Franzia, the man behind Two-Buck Chuck.

"A lot of people object to Fred because of jealousy, a lot of people object to him because of his business practice - which is, simply, if the law says I can do this, I'm going to do this to the fullest extent," says Michael Mondavi, founder of Folio Fine Wine Partners and a close friend of Franzia's who went to high school and Santa Clara University with him. And, Mondavi believes, they mostly hate him because his company scares the crap out of them: "When Fred built a bottling plant in Napa, everyone's great fear of the San Joaquin Valley invading Napa Valley mushroomed."

Chicago Addresses Kansas City Barbecue

Quite a full article in the Chicago Tribune that discusses the history of Kansas City barbecue, several of its restaurants, and then throws in some recipes! For example:

Hickory pit beans

Preparation time: 15 minutes

Cooking time: 1 hour

Yield: 12 servings

Everyone says that the baked beans from Fiorella's Jack Stack's restaurant are the best in Kansas City. This version for home cooks uses liquid smoke to replicate cooking the dish over a wood fire in the restaurant. Use leftover barbecued brisket to flavor the beans.

2 cans (32 ounces each) pork and beans 2 cups homemade or bottled Kansas City-style barbecue sauce, see recipe 1 cup chopped or shredded cooked beef brisket 1/2 cup each: ketchup, water 1/4 to 1/2 cup packed brown sugar 1 teaspoon liquid smoke

Combine all ingredients in a large saucepan. Heat to a boil over medium heat; lower heat to a simmer. Cook until mixture darkens and beans reach a thick, soupy consistency, about 1 hour.

Via Dethroner.

Wha????

A southern Californian pans Arthur Bryant's BBQ. WTF?! I shall run this by my Kansas City barbecue expert for a resolution.

Two-Buck Chuck Wins (Again?)

The Chardonnay took first place for Best Chardonnay from California at the California State Fair Commercial Wine Competition which, as you may have surmised, is part of the California State Fair.

Here's the Wikipedia article about Bronco Wine, the makers of Charles Shaw (AKA, "Two-Buck Chuck").

Tanks of Bronco Wines in Ceres, California.

UPDATE: The EU may be embarking on a 5-year plan to raise the quality and reduce the quantity of wine produced in Europe.

More Kefir

I have posted a couple of times (here and here) about my search for kefir since moving to the Coachella Valley. I've been buying it at Clark's, which is not an entirely satisfactory customer experience. They carry all the Lifeway varieties (Lifeway is like the standard brand of kefir throughout the U.S.), as well as a few varieties of Helios. Clark's likes to stock the shelves so that every variety has two bottles facing out; the rows are about 8 deep. Very pretty. But I only want the unsweetened, low fat variety. And, judging by the condition of the stock, that's pretty much what everyone else wants. Every time they've got only one or two (or zero) bottles of what I want. So I'll go for the high fat variety (if there's any of that) or even the more expensive Helios (if any). At the same time, the sweetened varieties are fully stocked. Just sitting there...like wall flowers.

So I was very pleased yesterday to discover that Trader Joe's now carries kefir, apparently only two varieties: low fat plain and low fat strawberry. Only $2.49 a bottle, which is cheaper than Clark's price.

Here's a website where they keep track of new items at Trader Joe's and Whole Foods (man, EVERYthing is on the internet!) and they mention TJ's kefir showed up in January this year. If you go read the fine print on the bottle you'll see it says "Dist. & sold exclusively by: Trader Joe's, Needham, MA 02494" As far as I know, Trader Joe's HQ is in Monrovia, California, so why does the kefir label refer to Needham, Massachusetts? I came across one website (not linking to it) with an unsubstantiated assertion that TJ had contracted with Lifeway for the kefir. Lifeway is in the Chicago area.

As with almost any food, you can find websites making ridiculous health claims for kefir (use it to fight ADHD?!), but here's a fairly level-headed site that tells you what kefir is. And here's a page with lots of info.

Budweiser & Clamato

I spotted this at Stater Bros. yesterday and had to give it a try. The whole idea of Clamato [note that the Clamato website is available in Español, English and "Canada"] has never appealed to me, and I had never tasted it until a few weeks ago when Darrel made me. Adding Budweiser to the Clamato improves neither. Clamato is, apparently, very popular in the Hispanic population in California and you see tons of it for sale everywhere. And on this Budweiser can all the text is in Spanish first, then English. Except for the little bit "Con Sal y Limon: La Combinacion Perfecta" which they don't bother to translate.

I looked for information about this stuff at the official Budweiser website but it's so busy with flash and games and shit, that if it has ANY information about the product itself, I can't find it. But at the store I saw that it was also available in a Bud Light version.

Cow Gives "Skimmed" Milk

ViaLactica, a biotech firm in Auckland, bought a cow (name of Marge) in 2001 who produces milk with normal levels of protein, but substantially less fat. She has been bred, and her daughters also produce this low fat milk. I quibble with calling it skimmed milk. In the U.S. skim milk is supposed to have 0% fat. The article says that in the U.K. it contains 0.1% fat. But the article says that Marge "also produces milk with very high levels of omega3 oils." Well which is it? Pretty hard to understand how they squeeze high levels of omega3 oils into milk that is only 0.1% fat (or less). They also say they can make butter from her milk. Would that really be butter, or just another "buttery spread" from an animal source?

Is Organic Beekeeping The Answer?

Sharon Labchuk, an organic beekeeper on Prince Edward Island, says commercial beekeeping is too stressful on hives and has made bees vulnerable to mites or other ailments that are causing colony collapse disorder.

I'm on an organic beekeeping list of about 1,000 people, mostly Americans, and no one in the organic beekeeping world, including commercial beekeepers, is reporting colony collapse on this list. The problem with the big commercial guys is that they put pesticides in their hives to fumigate for varroa mites, and they feed antibiotics to the bees. They also haul the hives by truck all over the place to make more money with pollination services, which stresses the colonies.

Her own website is here.

This Is Pleasant?

Check out these rather bizarre images advertising Burn, a new drink from Coca-Cola. Apparently it makes your urethra feel like you've got the worst case of clap ever.

Foods Named For People

A long list of food, drinks and fruits named for people. Some are obvious (Napoleon Brandy), others less so, like German chocolate cake. Some surprising: "Salisbury steak - Dr. James H. Salisbury (1823–1905), early U.S. health food advocate, created this dish and advised his patients to eat it three times a day, while limiting their intake of 'poisonous' vegetables and starches."

If nothing else, this list will get your appetite going and inspire you to try some new dish.

Three Kansas City BBQs

The Bastardly Morning Report reviews three barbecues in Kansas City. Of course, two of them are Bryant's and Gates. The third one I had never heard of before: the oddly-named Oklahoma Joe's BBQ, which is over in Johnson County, Kansas, at 47th and Mission.

Oklahoma Joe's is located in a gas station and is next door to a liquor store. If it wasn't for the recently installed plexiglass (replacing clear plexiglass), diners would have a clear view into the liquor store. I'd have to say this was my overall favorite of the 3 because the chicken was nicely seasoned, the ribs were also tender but most meaty. The sauce had just enough sweet to it without being sour or too spicy. Their fries and onion rings were nice and greasy but didn't give me the complete gut bomb.

Shitto

Photo by Mattspong.

Story here.

Return to Kansas City BBQ Company

Friday, I paid another visit to the Kansas City BBQ Company in Studio City. I got to meet the other co-owner, who used to perform at a casino in Kansas City, but came out to L.A. several years ago to try to break into big time showbiz, and who strongly recommended his beans. This time I had the combo plate with ribs, brisket and sausage...and the beans, which are really good. Just great stuff. The only change from my last visit is a big one: they are now serving their own sauce, not Gates'. It's a lot less sweet than Gates' sauce, reminiscent (to me) of Arthur Bryant's sauce — but it's been a long time since I tasted Arthur Bryant's.

Kansas City BBQ Company actually has two sauces, one is milder and sweeter, but you have to ask for that (at least that's how we got it) and it's served in a mustard squirter. I prefer their standard sauce (in the transparent squirters) which is spicy, but not really hot.

Still no beer license, and no plain iced tea, but the owners say they are doing a good business, and there was a steady stream of customers while we were there.

BTW, the co-owner who moved here most recently is living through his first southern California winter with no regrets.

Cook's Thesaurus

You might find this useful if you're trying to decipher a recipe or find a substitute for an ingredient. It's written for an American audience, so discussion of foods from around the world is focused on what can be found in the U.S. Like this explanation of crema, which I don't recall ever coming across in Boston:

crema  Notes: Cremas are the Hispanic version of sour cream. This category includes crema Mexicana, which is similar to crème fraîche, crema Centroamericana, which is a bit thicker and sweeter than crema Mexicana, crema media, which is like whipping cream, crema Mexicana agria, which is thicker and more acidic than crema Mexicana and often used for savory dishes, and crema Salvadoreña, which is thick like sour cream. Where to find: Mexican grocery stores Substitutes: crème fraîche (not as sweet or creamy) OR sour cream (more likely to curdle when cooked in a sauce).

Around here crema can be found in ANY food store, and probably some liquor stores too.

Kansas City BBQ Company, Studio City

Those of you who have been following along know that I couldn't be in Altadena, without traveling just a little further west on route 134 to visit the still new Kansas City BBQ Company at 4141 Lankershim Boulevard in Studio City. It does indeed offer genuine Kansas City barbecue. I had the pork with sweet potatoe fries (a buck extra for that).

When I tasted the sauce, it seemed so very similar to Gates' sauce that I thought the owner of this place might be risking some civil action, but when I asked him about it he admitted he is actually serving Gates' sauce until he can get up a sufficient supply of his own. He estimated it would be about two weeks (mark it on your calendars!) before he starts serving his own sauce. So, now I'm obligated to return to give that a fair tasting.

The food was very good and served, as it should be, in a basket with plastic utensils. Currently all the beverages are sweetened or diet soda and tea. He says he'll be getting real, nonsweetened tea in soon, and he's working on getting a permit for beer. I just drank water. He said the previous business in that location ran into trouble with the neighborhood, so he's having to start over from scratch in his pursuit of an alcohol license. The building is just right for Kansas City barbecue, homey and a bit worn. The floor isn't coated with grease yet, but as business picks up I'm sure that situation will correct itself.

The menu. The menu displayed inside the restaurant doesn't include sausage or the combo plate, so remember to ask about those.

The owner is white and had one hispanic man working with him. The kitchen is small enough you can watch them do all their work as you eat. Next to the back door (there's a small parking lot in back) there was a stack of hickory wood, so you know they ain't fakin' nuthin'.

Kansas City barbecue fans will immediately notice the lack of a dispenser for additional barbecue sauce, but I'm sure if I asked for it, I'd get more.

Before I left I got some beef ribs to go, just in case I had the munchies after driving home. Don't worry, I had oatmeal for breakfast, so nothing could hurt me. Very unfortunately, when I got home I discovered that the propietor had neglected to put the sauce in with the ribs. I saw him fill up the container for me, but he must have left it behind the counter rather than putting it in the bag. A medium-sized failure there. Remember to double check the sauce if you're getting takeout. If I still lived in Kansas City I'd just have a bottle of Gates' or Bryant's sauce sitting here for just such an emergency, but I don't.

The French Come To The Rescue

A farmer in [old] Jersey was surprised to see his cows giving pink milk after he began feeding them carrots. The cows love the carrots, so what to do? Fortunately, the French, the kings of all food, have white carrots! Genius. The cows like them just as well, and their milk is white again.

Sunday Morning Coffee

Sunday Morning Coffee has reviewed breakfast and coffee places around the Coachella Valley including Rick's in Palm Springs, the 29 Palms Inn, JC Bakery & Cafe in Desert Hot Springs, Watercanyon in Yucca Valley, Peabody's in Indio, The Spunky Monkey in Morongo Valley (currently closed), Crossroads Cafe in Joshua Tree, and Ignition on Palm Canyon in Palm Springs.

Scotland Getting As Bad As The U.S.

The Caledonian Bar in Naim, Scotland, was going to give out free draft beer for only 10 minutes on Friday and Saturday nights in February. I think that as long as they handled the distribution effectively, so that no one would get trampled in the rush, this could be a great step toward fun and world peace. They billed it as "drink free till first wee," but your average healthy man should find it quite easy to drink for 10 minutes without having to stop for a piss.

But then the schoolmarms got wind of it and pressured the pub to stick with its usual glum drinking-for-cash program:

Councillor Liz Macdonald branded it "irresponsible". She said according to the Daily Record: "It may have lasted for only ten minutes but I think it would still encourage binge-drinking. It is sending the wrong message."

Police inspector David Bushell added: "It concerned me. It is this idea of encouraging binge drinking which leads to increased drunkenness, anti-social behaviour and other offending on our streets."

"Other offending." We could cut down on that if the police inspector would simply station an officer at the pub to remind each patron as he leaves to pay a visit to the restroom.

Praise Be To Science!

Dr. Robert Bohannon has developed a way to add caffeine to baked goods while masking its usual bitterness. Caffeinated donuts and bagels are on the way! BuzzDonuts.com obviously will be needing a web designer.

I Stagger...

...at the thought that there might be something closely approximating Kansas City barbecue in the Los Angeles area!

KANSAS CITY BBQ COMPANY Food: 2 1/2 stars Value: 3 stars Where: 4141 Lankershim Blvd., North Hollywood. Phone: (818) 754-0030. Meals/hours: Open for lunch, dinner and snacks from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. daily.

Here's what it says at GAYOT.com:

Mike Oxley, Nabeel Kort and sister Shareen Kort have opened The Kansas City BBQ Company near Universal Studios. Mike is a Kansas City native with twenty years of meat-smoking experience. He slow-smokes his meats with hickory, and even makes his own dry rub. Sides include sweet potatoes, cole slaw and BBQ beans. The homey order-at-the-counter establishment seats 44 people, with photos of Kansas City to come. Open 11 a.m.-10 p.m. daily. The Kansas City BBQ Company, 4141 Lankershim Blvd., Studio City, 818-754-0030.

This'll Make You Want To Buy A Shotgun

Season Shot. By god, somebody has invented a shot (as in a shotgun pellet) that contains seasoning! No need to clean shot out of your game, no need to worry about polluting the environment (as long as you pick up the spent shell). Coming soon in Cajun, Lemon Pepper, Garlic, Teriyaki, and Honey Mustard flavors. What, no Butter?

Think of it as like seasoning your holiday turkey in the kitchen, except you get to do it out in the fresh autumn air, with your faithful dog and friends along. As they say:

Load your gun with Season Shot and let the hunt begin. Watch as your bird is seasoned on impact leaving no harmful waste behind in the environment.

Just remember that when seasoning your game out in the woods the preferred beverage is canned beer, not Two-Buck Chuck.

Here's To Your Health - Twice!

Zen beer with green tea will practically guarantee you a future free of cancer and cardiovascular disease. I don't think they should sell it in Ohio, though.

McDonald's Lifetime Achievement Award

Herb Peterson was presented the McDonald's Lifetime Achievement Award last night for coming up with the Egg McMuffin and the Ronald McDonald costume! One man. All of that. He is currently 87 years old and got his first McDonald's franchise in 1971.

Dining Delight!

"people are safe to eat about all the fish they can catch at the [Salton] sea" Uh-huh. That's what they say. You are now free to dine on anything you find in the septic tank for the New River.

I wonder, though, if you put a Salton Sea fish on the grill, would the resulting smoke be safe to breathe?

"Mistakes happen, and it’s regrettable"

They were having a peach martini special.

[T]he incident occurred after a bartender who has worked at the restaurant about four months ran out of sugar. Not knowing where to find it, she asked a dishwasher for help.

The dishwasher, also a new employee who speaks mainly Spanish, gave her a box containing a white substance that looked like sugar. Goolsby said sugar is stored in a pantry.

The bartender didn’t examine the box, which was labeled "Clean Force Fryer Cleaner," and used a scoop to put the white substance into another container, Goolsby said.

What's The Deal With Germany?

We're all familiar with some of the stereotypes about Germany: super industrialization, rigid efficiency, and beer without parallel. And so, when we learned that in addition to a problem soaking up all the urine produced by World Cup fans, Germany is IN DANGER OF RUNNING OUT OF BEER before the end of the matches, the scales fell from our eyes. In reality, Germany may not be run any better than, say, FEMA or California's DMV.

They're blaming it all on England, but that's probably because they're still too scared to blame it on Russia.

Dining in DHS

Here we see the fried tilapia that Pat enjoyed at the Casa Blanca restaurant on Pierson in Desert Hot Springs. Quite visually impressive! But he said it seemed a bit overcooked.

De-flatulated Beans

Here's a report that scientists have discovered that by fermenting beans they can not only double their nutritional value, but also remove their flatulence-causing qualities. The bad news is that this research was accomplished in Venezuela, so they may not let these beans reach the American market.

Without Apology

Gay.

Probably NSFW, but headphones at a minimum.

It's an ad.

The Chosen People

SFW with sound, maybe you should wear headphones at work. Thanks to Flip for this one.

Charcoal Grilling

I have just (re-)initiated myself into the world of charcoal grilling. Last time I did this was back when I was in high school (or earlier). A few days ago I sent an e-mail out to every friend who had ever fed me from his grill (that I could recall). I only heard back from Knurd and one of my brothers. Now, it maybe that only those two guys use charcoal, while everybody else grills using Hank Hill's preferred fuel. But still, I do so love to have my e-mails ignored.

Brother Johnny who has a different grill for every week of the year, plus special ones for religious holidays, asked me how I could go so many years (my arithmetic puts it around 35 years) without grilling. While the answer is simply that this is the first time I've had any kind of outdoor space (and I just sort of overlooked it last year), I could have been mean and pointed out that if he would just visit me more often, he wouldn't have been shocked at my insufficiency of grills.

Johnny gave me a list of 17 points, and he agreed with Knurd on all the important principles, like no starter fluid. I will have to make a point of picking up more copies of the Valley Breeze since I don't subscribe to any newspapers.

Last night I grilled hamburgers with no disaster. Fire started. Meat cooked. No damage to nearby structures. No late night vomiting or diarrhea! Tonight I think it's turkey burgers.

I'm open to any and all comments and suggestions on the subject of grilling.

If anyone has a mesquite tree that needs trimming, drop me a note! I see dead mesquite out in the desert, but it's always in wilderness areas, so I can't bring it home. It would be great if tamarisk trees made good charcoal, but I'm assuming they do not.

Percolating

If any reader has pointers on how to percolate coffee, please share them. In preparation for an upcoming camping trip, Andy has loaned me his camp percolator. Recently a couple of people (Andy included) have insisted that perked coffee is the best. Huh?! Then why doesn't anybody do it anymore?

My mother perked, but had moved on to a Norelco drip before I began to drink coffee. I remember that she would put a bit of paper towel in the bottom of the basket - and this was back when they salted paper towels with arsenic so they would "kill germs."

In addition to the paper towel, I've figured out that you should fill the pot to just below the basket. I've put about a half load of coarsely ground beans into the basket. I ran across a spot on the web that once the perking started, I should let it go for about 6-8 minutes.

It's not too late go the french press route.

"Meat" as Meat

A review of Guolizhuang, Beijing's first penis meat restaurant.

The deer and the Mongolian goat were surprisingly similar: a little stringy, they had the appearance and feel of overcooked squid tentacles. The Xinjiang horse and the donkey, on the other hand, were quite different. Though both came sliced lengthwise, and looked like bacon, the horse was light and fatty, while the donkey had a firm colour and taste. The testicles were slightly crumbly, and tasted better with lashings of the sesame, soy and chilli dips thoughtfully provided.

Express Lane To Diabetes City

The "Soda Pop Top" is hard candy that screws onto the top of your favorite high fructose corn syrup sweetened beverage. You drink your soda through a hole in the candy while sucking on the candy. Product not yet endorsed by the American Dental Association.

Save The Coots!

The Bambi-lovers are all up in arms about the killing of coots on a golf course. And by coots I mean the winged water fowl, not the guys on the carts. Now, first off, I'm certainly in agreement with the Bambi-huggers that the original source of the problem is the golf course itself. Get rid of those things and you get rid of a lot of ancillary problems: water waste, rising humidity, traffic, rising population. Of course, a lot of people would lose jobs, too.

But, second off (?), fighting golf courses over the issue of coots is not the way to do it. They're not endangered and they sound like they're as bothersome as the Canada goose in other parts of the country. We need to find an attractive endangered animal or plant that's being killed by the rising humidity and haze in the valley.

Finally (and thirdly), excessive killing does rub me the wrong way, but that could be set right if I knew these coots were being eaten. I don't care if they retail them to the affluent, or donate them to soup kitchens. Here are some recipes for coot:

• "Whitebill Stroganoff," where we learn that the male and female coot taste different, and people prefer the male.
• A coot recipe that you will find very useful if you have recently cut down an oak tree.
• A coot recipe that calls for plum jelly and instructs you to discard the coot wings.
• And finally (or fourthly), a coot recipe for the refined diner: Risotto con le Folaghe. Yum. As the old guys who led my Boy Scout troop used to say, "That's some good eatin'!"

Human Digestion

It can be surprising what the human digestive system can tolerate. Here's a story about an Oklahoma middle school where the cafeteria workers put a try of 25 hamburgers in the warmer just before Christmas break, then retrieved them when classes resumed and fed them to students on January 6. Ten students ate some of the hamburgers. The article says "several...were sick," but it doesn't say how sick.

This makes me wonder how much real food value there is those school hamburgers. A normal piece of meat left at "warming" temperatures for more than 10 days should create a smell that knocked the cafeteria workers backwards when they reopened the cafeteria after the holiday. Are those hamburgers really, as we always suspected, just cellulose, glue and artificial coloring?

French For "Nalgene"

The Press-Bot lets you convert a wide-mouth Nalgene bottle into a press coffee maker. They've got a video (SFW). $20 here. I'm sure these will be popular on the next LifeCycle ride.

Canned Champagne

I wish I'd known about this a bit earlier than today. It comes from Francis Coppola.

Coppola rejected on aesthetic grounds the scaled-down glass or plastic bottles in which European vintners sell their products, Martin said. But he was drawn to cans by their untapped advantages: "They're lighter. They're less expensive. They cool faster and they're easier to dispose of," [Erle Martin, the president of Niebaum-Coppola, the filmmaker's wine business] said.

Moreover, cans are welcome in several potentially lucrative settings where bottles are not, he added: "At poolside, at sporting events and at campsites."

End Of Stroud's

The famous Stroud's restaurant in Kansas City closes today. If you aren't already standing in line as you read this, then it's too late. Their branch location north of the Missouri River will remain open, but I'm sure it lacks the unmatchable charm of dining in an improved shack almost underneath the Troost Avenue bridge, and between an old railroad right of way and a very unremarkable but busy street.

They say they are closing due to a roadwork project. Are they finally widening 85th? Rebuilding the bridge? Putting in modern ramps to Troost? I shall have to inquire with my man on the ground in Kansas City to learn more.

Here's is Stroud's own website.

"Martini Party In A Box" Lame-o

These people are selling this thing called "Martini Party In A Box." For $30 you get a 28 ounce stainless steel shaker. You also get martini recipes, martini jokes, martini trivia, some blank party invitations, and some other crap that you can put directly into your recycling bin. What the "Martini Party In A Box" does NOT include are liquor (understandable), glasses, olives, onions, picks (or whatever you call the things you skewer the olives and onions with), the sieve (or strainer doodah), or anything else that actually makes up the soul of a martini.

Coke Running Second

It's seems the Russians have been lucker than the French, and that Pepsi already has a coffee-cola beverage on the market: Pepsi - Кофе.

The French, She Are So Lucky!

This story had better be true!

Coke to launch coffee-infused Coke Blak

Dec 7, 2005 — NEW YORK (Reuters) - Coca-Cola Co., the world's No. 1 soft drink company, on Wednesday said it will launch a coffee-infused soft drink called Coca-Cola Blak in various markets around the world in 2006.

The news of the launch came hours before Coke Chief Executive Neville Isdell was scheduled to address financial analysts and investors in New York.

The new drink, a combination of Coca-Cola Classic and coffee extracts, will be first launched in France in January before being rolled out in the United States and other markets during 2006.

A Coke spokesperson said Coca-Cola Blak will be a mid-calorie drink, similar to Coca-Cola C2, which was launched in April 2004 and contains half the sugar, calories and carbohydrates of regular colas. The formula for the new beverage is expected to vary based on local tastes.

Analysts have said one of the keys to the company's future is capturing more consumers who have moved away from sugary soft drinks to diet versions, or to healthier low- or no-calorie beverages.

[UPDATE: It's true. The official Coca-Cola press release is in the comments.]

The bottle:

Turkey For Fools

It's "FOOL-PROOF™," see? It's Jennie-O Oven Ready. I don't see a "™" after "Oven Ready," so maybe they've already given up on protecting that name. I'm a bit unsettled that the product is simply called "Oven Ready," not "Oven Ready Turkey." Wouldn't that make you suspect the contents were tofu or seitan or water buffalo?

Anyway, this delightful food product has these features: no thawing, no handling, no viewing of the raw animal parts, no additional seasoning required, no slicing, no dicing, no basting, and it includes a pop up timer. They don't say, but I'm sure it will also prevent your home from being fouled with the odor of roasting turkey. Unfortunately, it does not have wi-fi, bluetooth or a USB connection. What would make it really perfect would be someone showing up at your door at the very moment the "Turkey™" is done. You would take the bag from your oven and hand it over to the man at the door who would take it away so someone else could eat it. This way you, the cook, would be able to remain in pure isolation.

How long will it be before the urban legend that someone cooked one of these, opened it up and found a golden brown roasted rodent in the bag?

Water Buffalo Dairy

Water Buffalo cheese and yogurt from VERMONT! This is something I thought would have come first from California, but I'll blame our damn Republican governor. While I'd like to try this product, I must express my irritation with people who make up new abbreviations for standard terms like "grm" for gram or gm. It's even worse when it's metric, since the metric system is such a rigid, anal-retentive, top-down, French authority sort of thing.

Starbucks In High School

Starbucks has reached out to some Virginia public high schools with an offer to assist in a program to teach kids to be baristas. I know people love to hate Starbucks, but is this really any different from deals set up between trade high schools and other local employers? A lot of kids who don't go to college (and many who do) will end up in the service industry. Making coffee is a decent way to make a living.

Jell-O™ Shots

Here's a site where some energetic researchers work to determine the best possible recipe for Jell-O™ shots. "Best" would be a shot that holds together, tastes okay, and contains the maximum amount of alcohol. The youngsters do go on and on about their work, but if you scroll way, way down to the bottom of the page you'll see they neglected to clearly lay out their conclusive ultimate recipe. What were they smoking? Fortunately, someone has already asked them to clarify that in the feedback, and here it is:

Take one 3 oz. package Jell-O mix, dissolve completely in 4 oz. (1/2 c.) boiling water. Add 20 oz. (2 ½ c.) 80 proof vodka. Chill until set.

On a somewhat related issue, "[Ford Motor Co.] plans a consumer awareness campaign about the benefits of ethanol."

New Englander Visits The Fountainhead

Bill Brotherton writes in the Harwich Oracle (Harwich. It rings a bell. I think it may be on Cape Cod. Somebody tell me if I'm right.) about his tremendously great fortune in being allowed to travel to Kansas City (on Midwest Air) to be a judge at the 26th annual American Royal Barbecue Contest, the World Series of Barbecue (i.e., The Fountainhead).

Trailers and recreational vehicles are parked everywhere. And the cooking equipment - cookers, not grills - is mighty impressive. Brian Richard of Kansas City has one shaped like an airplane. "This is the meat missile," he says. "It took a year to build and it has a rotisserie inside." The gregarious Richard has been competing for 15 years and says the K.C. event is the "granddaddy of them all."

"In Kansas City, barbecue is like a religion," he explained.

K.C. Cuisine

Here's an article about some of the favorite foods in Kansas City, including Winstead's steakburgers and, of course, Arthur Bryant's barbecue.

Clark's

Darrel alerted me a few days ago that the Clark's Nutrition & Natural Food Market that had been under construction near the Home Depot was now open. Clark's doesn't seem to have any website, or somehow it has been so badly designed that even Google can't find it. I visited Clark's today. It's no Whole Foods, but it's close enough (yay) that it will probably delay (or block altogether) the opening of a Whole Foods store in the valley (boo). It has no butcher counter, but just a small selection of pre-wrapped dead flesh. The produce section is good, but not anything like Whole Foods. They've got bulk, organic carrots at a decent price ($15 for 25 pounds, or an even better price for the 50 pound bag), but the Costco price is still the best if you're willing to forego organic. The store does have a good selection of bulk nuts and grains, bulk spices and herbs (including even some from the Frontier Coop!), a huge selection of tea including BULK GREEN TEA, which is a first for the valley. No longer do I have to remember to pick up bulk green tea when I am visiting a big city. Another first in the valley is reasonably priced, lowfat, unflavored Lifeway kefir. I've been getting my kefir at Oasis Natural Foods on Indian in Palm Springs, but they don't usually carry it, so I had to order it by the case. I got a reasonable price that way, but a case is a lot, and I had to remember to schedule my order so I wouldn't run out.

They also have a gigantic selection of organic and healthy frozen and non-refrigerated food. And there is, of course, several aisles of pills and salves. So many that I had to ask an employee in the department if things were organized by brand or contents or what. She said that one aisle was mostly organized by "condition" (you know, men's health, women's health, joint problems, digestive problems, sleeping problems, skin problems, etc.), while another aisle was mostly by brand. I was looking for curcumin, which isn't a very popular herb. I usually get it from the Life Extension Foundation, but I'm out now, and I don't want to put together a whole order. It should have been in the herb section, which is organized by brand and, within brand, alphabetically. The store employee searched for quite awhile and THEN asked me how to spell it. She had never heard of it. I wonder how she was searching without know its spelling. She went off to check on her computer for it. While she was doing that, I found it back in the first aisle (which was supposed to be organized by condition). There was a section of all the NOW products (organized by brand) and there it was in the midst of them. When she got back to me, she told me they didn't carry it, so I showed her the bottle.

At check out, the cashier asked me what kind of apples these were I had picked up. Well, it's nice that they don't put PLU stickers on 'em, but the cashier should be able to identify them. One was mutsu, but the other was some variety I had never heard of, so I couldn't remember the name. I walked halfway back to the produce section so I could read the sign ("Laura Pink" or something like that). Neither variety was in the computer, but I knew they were both $1.59 so she just picked a jonathan variety with the same price. BTW, the plastic bags in the produced section are incredibly rugged. If you are planning a camping trip, or need to wrap stuff in plastic for some other reason, I recommend a visit to Clark's produce section.

Sounds like they need to do some work on their inventory system.

I did also notice that the customer ditz level was higher than at Stater Bros. It seems to be true in all health food stores that a lot of customers walk around in a daze and park their carts crosswise in an aisle, or set themselves into a pinch point and then ignore the other customers around them.

Energy

People who think "energy drinks" (like Red Bull) are a good thing, probably don't care but here's an article about how crappy they are. No real news there, but it does talk about the current popularity of mixing energy drinks with alcohol — hey, energy is energy, calories are calories. I thought it was pretty gross when I spotted a vodka and Red Bull being poured a few weeks ago, but this article describes an even worse drink: "touchdowns" — Jägermeister mixed with an energy drink.

Cooking Ideas

Here are some Inuit recipes from 1952. Here's one, sure to be popular in this hot weather:

Eskimo Ice Cream

Grate reindeer tallow into small pieces. Add seal oil slowly while beating with hand. After some seal oil has been used, add a little water while whipping. Continue adding seal oil and water until white and fluffy. Any berries may be added to it.

I'm sure Whole Foods can take a special order for reindeer tallow and seal oil, if you can't find them at your usual supermarket.

Mega M&Ms

Mega M&Ms come out today. They're 55% bigger and come in designer colors. Adults are the target consumer.

Toddy

I guess the Toddy coffee-making system has been around for awhile, but I just found out about it recently, ordered up a kit, and have just tested a glass of the resulting iced coffee this morning.

The idea is you've got a BIG ol' funnel kind of thing, with a filter at the bottom. Below the filter is a traditional style rubber cork in a hole. With the plug and filter in place, you fill the big ol' funnel thing with a pound of coffee (ground coarsely) and 9 cups of water. Then you let it steep for 12 hours. I'm looking at the shape of the funnel, which is of course narrower on the bottom than at the top. There it sits on my kitchen counter filled with 9 cups of water and a pound of ground coffee (I used Kenya AA from Trader Joe's) and I'm thinking What are the chances of an earthquake during the 12-hour steeping time? So I put the whole thing into a big plastic bowl that would help stabilize it during the Big One, and also catch any leaks if I didn't jam that rubber cork in correctly.

Twelve hours later with no leaks or earthquake damage apparent, I pulled the plug and set the funnel on top of the nice glass carafe provided. Now it was REALLY vulnerable to earthquakes. The carafe is a lightweight, thin glass, of the sort that I know I will break in less than half a dozen uses, so in the future I will be using a heavy, half-gallon glass jar to catch the juice.

The resulting brew smelled wonderful, like fresh ground coffee, NOT like hot brewed coffee. I put it in the fridge overnight and this morning I poured an estimated 4 ounces of coffee brew into my standard 16 ounce glass and then filled the glass with ice water. The resulting stuff tastes REALLY GOOD! Better than the usual iced coffee that I get from hot-brewed. The Toddy info says I should be getting LESS caffeine from their brewing method, which is not a plus in my opinion, and I can't say if I'm feeling more or less kick than usual.

The Toddy website includes this brief review of their product from highly-respected Cook's Illustrated. You won't like Toddy if you're one of those people who doesn't like to plan ahead, but if you can deal with things like Netflix, defrosting turkeys, soaking dry beans, or brewing beer, then you should be able to deal with Toddy. If, like me, you drink iced coffee during the hot months (March to December), then you'll find it even easier. When I get around to boiling some water to make hot coffee from the Toddy juice, I'll tell you about it.

Gods Of Invention!

A WSJ article about two systems that are designed to deliver draft beers faster and with more perfect heads. This is amazing — partly because it took so long to come up with these ideas. They don't say how well they work with Guinness.

Mosquito Donuts!

Have they finally discovered a use for mosquitos? Check 'em out. Mmmm, I want mine with larvae filling!

Drugs, Baby!

The Germans are bringing us NicoShot, a beer (6.3% abv) that includes in each 250 ml can, nicotine equivalent to six and two/thirds cigarettes.

Richard H. Davis, president of Beverage Marketing USA Inc., notes that NicoShot is a "smoking cessation brew" designed to satisfy nicotine cravings; therefore, the brew is a realistic way to help smokers kick the habit. "NicoShot is a nicotine enhanced beer that can significantly control cigarette cravings, yet it taste like a fine imported European beer, but instead it gives you that extra shot of nicotine," he said.

It's True!

Today, June 3, is National Donut Day, so you can get a FREE Krispy Kreme donut at participating KK stores.

Grilling Tips

Hey, I can grill a hot dog or a marshmallow, but here's a guy who has some tips for grilling other things. You experienced people can let us know if he's full of it or on the right meaty track.

I'm Sure Personal Jetpacks Are Next!

Kroger will begin selling Wolfgang Puck's SELF-HEATING canned lattes this month.

Yes, It's Nice

Reader Ken sends this reminder (which he found in the Honolulu Advertiser) that if your family is tired of spam and potatoes every night, night after night, rice is nice.

Why Didn't I think Of This?

Some brilliant folks at Charles R. Drew University of Medicine and Science in California came up with the idea to study who drinks malt liquor! Guess what they found?! Malt liquor "is largely a drink of the homeless and unemployed, and is likely to be abused." Also, you will be enlightened to hear "the products are largely targeted to black and Hispanic youths and young adults." If by "youths" and "young adults" they mean young MEN, then they would be correct...but if they don't know that yet, then maybe I've still got time to come up with MY study to find out who drinks more malt liquor, men or women.

Another possible study is to find out whether ingestion of pizza and beer while watching sports on TV produces increased likelihood of eructation.

Trust Your Stomach

I haven't had the chance to mention it here in Ron's Log before, but sometimes in private discussions with friends I have reason to remind them of the many safety functions built into your stomach by millions of years of evolution. If you ingest too much of a toxic substance, your stomach may be able to save you by resorting to its amazing vomit reflex. On the other end of things, your lower intestine does not have a vomit reflex. If, like Michael Warner, a 58-year-old machine shop owner who had a long history of alcoholism, but couldn't ingest alcohol because of medical problems with his throat, you ingested 3 liters (yes, three liters) of sherry by means of an enema, you too would likely die.

Take my word for it, if you can't eat it, drink it or smoke it, you don't want it.

Veggie & Tea House

The Desert Sun has a good review of the Veggie & Tea House in Palm Desert, one of my favorite places. But I don't quite get the bit about it being reminiscent of the town store in Little House on the Prairie. I hardly ever watched that show, but it's hard for me to believe there was anything like this place out on the Dakota plains in the 19th century.

Veggie & Tea House is feel-good, friendly Eatery offers plenty of healthy food choices

Valerie Christopher
Special To The Desert Sun
January 25, 2005
One of the many reasons people might keep coming back to the Veggie & Tea House in Palm Desert is the feel-good resonance floating through the air of this health-conscious restaurant.

Reminiscent of the town store in the hit '70s and '80s television series, "Little House on the Prairie," this restaurant mixes an eclectic Asian fusion motif with a loud-and-clear message: "Life is too short, eat healthy."

The restaurant has a menu filled with 35 low-calorie, low-fat, low-sodium, high-fiber and vitamin-and-mineral-packed items.

"We're a mixture of traditional Chinese, Japanese, French and Taiwanese cuisines with no preservatives," says Ching Lo, operations manager of five years. "Our idea is to make a balance for people. We don't want to change lifestyles, but we want to create a substitute."

That substitute - Veggie & Tea House - began with James Lo, 64, a retired public health professional, who resides in Los Angeles and also has a home in Palm Desert.

Lo says his "restaurant" idea was inspired by a team of doctors, nutritional scientists and other experts about five years ago concerned about America's health problems.

Lo saw a need for his niche when he heard that 96 million Americans have high cholesterol.

"I want people to eat farm-raised vegetables," he says, "with lots of fiber and protein in their diet. This is why there's a truck that delivers fresh produce daily from my 400-acre farm in El Centro to the Palm Desert store," he says.

Adhering strictly to organic farming techniques on the Lo farm, there are no pesticides or herbicides.

"It's really, really fresh - and it's organic and the food makes you feel alive!" says Cissi Hamilton, dining with her husband, Brock Witte, of Morongo Valley.

"You feel energized when you leave," Hamilton says, taking another swig of her favorite drink, watermelon juice.

The couple thinks of their visits to the Veggie & Tea House as a vacation.

"Because we don't make this kind of food at home, it's like taking a vacation because you always know you're going to get a really fresh, healthy meal for an incredible price," she says.

On the menu are soy crepes, consisting of mushrooms, celery and cabbage wrapped in tofu skin with sweet and sour sauce on top, and the Bird Nest with a lovely nest built with taro root and filled with wok-fried veggies and glazed walnuts. Both are $13.50.

There are two menus to choose from - a cafeteria menu and a restaurant menu. The restaurant menu includes Imperial veggie rolls and teriyaki potatoes, both at $9.50.

All meals come with a house salad and steamed rice in an elegant bamboo container.

While there isn't a children's menu, there are child-friendly meals.

Ashley Hudgens, a restaurant employee of nine months, says children can get fried green beans, vegetable balls or breaded cheese balls - 18 of them each the size of a quarter - for $5.50.

Veggie & Tea House offers a comfortable environment that caters to anyone - from the average Joe wanting to eat healthier to the large corporate parties wanting to eat right and dine in a VIP room with their shoes off like they're in Tokyo.

The restaurant also is the only place in Palm Desert you can learn to brew Kung-Fu tea.

"I'm proud that we can help society eat better. My only wish is to be on every corner like Starbuck's - accessible to everyone."

The restaurant is at 72-281 Highway 111 in Palm Desert (near the intersection of Fred Waring). 760- 674-9579

I Confess To Low Taste

I was at the Mother Lode in West Hollywood Saturday night. We had an entertaining and very efficient bartender. He rattled off the entire list of beers in stock with machine-like precision. It's a beer-drinker's skill to be able to listen to a list like that and prioritize it as the spiel unrolls. Martini and wine-drinkers are not expected to catch it all. Even so, I admit I prefer a bar that displays all of its beer selection somewhere as a nice little row of soldiers.

After a couple of Sam's (my apologies to Californians) I spotted a poster behind the bar for something in a can that looked like an Anheuser-Busch product that included in its list of ingredients caffeine, ginseng and guarana. Whatever it was, it had not been on the list of beers recited by our otherwise feckless bartender. I'm quite a fan of caffeine and have (sometimes discreetly, sometimes not) combined it with alcohol. Guarana interests me too. You may remember that I tested Bawls once for you all. Ginseng I can take or leave. It's got a great rep, but I've never noticed any benefit from it.

I snagged the bartender in a free moment, pointed at the poster and asked "Do you have that stuff?" He admitted he did, but said he had not mentioned it to me because he didn't think ANYone really wanted to drink it. I said I did, so he found a can and offered me and my drinking partner free samples. I was more interested in reading the fine print on the can, so I got out my reading glasses before I tasted it. (I even kept the can, which I guess could have been a problem if I had been nabbed for public drunkenness later). It was, I learned from the can, a genuine Anheuser-Busch product, and it is officially "beer." The masculine design on the can is red and black and features the standard Anheuser-Busch "B" with a superscripted "E." The stuff is officially called "B to the E" which pretty much guarantees that no middle-aged white man will ever order it by name in a bar. The can holds 10 ounces, but something about the design makes it look like 12 ounces.

We tasted it and at first it seemed not too bad. Some tangy, fruity flavor is added [alcoholic beverages are not subject to the same requirements to disclose all ingredients that other food and drink are]. The more you drink, though, the less you like it. By the end of the less than 10 ounces (we were splitting it, remember) I was pretty tired of the taste. We decided to call the flavor "kumquat" because no one would argue with us. The Beer Advocate has some reviews of it. The reviewers there call the flavor slightly sweet with a hint of black cherry flavor, pixie sticks, fruity, Red Bull, Skittles, Bawls, baby diaper, raspberry, soapy, Robitussin, and dextrin. You get the idea. Red Bull was cited frequently. I had Red Bull once. I can't believe anyone would have it twice. It reminded me of double-strength Kool-Aid, which I actually liked when I was younger. The sugar in Red Bull is so dense I can feel the undissolved grit on my teeth (that may be totally imaginary, as I'm sure they use corn syrup rather than cane sugar). But for those who LIKE Red Bull, this "B to the E" (hey, my AIDS LifeCycle "cycle buddy" is a young black man...maybe I could get him to buy me this stuff, if I ever want it again) this "B to the E" is quite an improvement. Much cleaner in the mouth. Probably safer for your teeth. Slightly more complex flavor. But if you are a beer drinker (as are those at Beer Advocate) you will probably not like this.

But we should probably ignore the taste. After all, I think we can be sure that A-B did NOT make this for its flavor. There are people out there who want to be buzzy drunks. Either caffeine, ginseng and guarana add an odd flavor to the beer which needs to be masked, or A-B's market research shows that those who want to be buzzy drunks don't like the taste of beer.

My research says it contains 6.6% alcohol by volume. This surprised me, since I thought the standard limit for anything called "beer" was 5%, although I know I've bought beverages at brewpubs with higher alcohol content. Nonetheless, I thought the general rule was that if it was over 5% it had to be called something else, "malt liquor" being the popular alternative name.

How buzzy is it then? I just don't know. I drank it (or about two-thirds of it) after 2 Sam Adams beers, then we walked over to Numbers where I had a martini and after dinner I had coffee. Too many other factors. I had no trouble falling asleep later. I'm afraid an objective test of "B to the E" would require me to drink a nauseating quantity, and it didn't have a flavor that I wanted to experience a second time in reverse flow.

We wondered what the marketing meetings were like as they debated which demographic to market this stuff to. Women? Young men? Young black people? From the design of the can I think they are not targeting women, but beyond that I have no idea.

Yeast Complaint

I've been baking bread (using a machine) for some years now. The last time I had a loaf completely fail was when I forgot to add the yeast. My preferred yeast is SAF Instant which you can get at Whole Foods Market...if you have a Whole Foods Market. Otherwise, I have to mail order it. Since I don't have a Whole Foods nearby and I'm being lazy about mail ordering it, I've been trying some of the standard yeast brands you see on store shelves. They're okay. Yesterday I spotted RiZE organic yeast at Nature's RX on Sunrise. Expensive of course, but it was an experiment.

Turns out this shit is totally dead. My machine right now is baking a loaf that contains 3 cups of flour, but is about a half inch high and 5 inches across. Save your 99¢ and use any other brand.

Food Timeline

The Food Timeline is an interesting concept, listing major and minor foods in chronological order as they were first used by humans, or first made a big geographical jump, like coffee arriving in Europe. The order of things is sometimes surprising. Some simple, basic things we have in the kitchen came later than more complex stuff. For instance, people had domesticated chickens and cattle and were consuming milk and yogurt and even popcorn before they discovered garlic about 3000 B.C. Some old foods have very specific dates: tea in 2737 B.C., ice cream in 62 A.D., and tofu in 220 A.D.

Haggis and Italian Wedding soup both date from the 1st century A.D.

The list might show some western world slant. It claims passion fruits were first eaten in the 1880s. That sounds more like the date that Europeans were first shown passion fruits by islanders who had probably been eating them for centuries.

4 Krispy Kreme

Photos I took at a Krispy Kreme in Overland Park, Kansas, a few years ago, using a camera with something less than 1 Mp:

Not So Bad

Someone took on the challenge to eat well on a Food Stamp budget, and damn if they didn't succeed! Read how to do it here. I wonder if I qualify for Food Stamps. I'm almost poor enough to get the low income utility discount.

Absinthe

Beautiful Atrocities™ has posted a list of absinthe brands. The famous (infamous?) beverage will become legal next year in Switzerland next year. It's already legal in Spain, Denmark, Portugal. I'd like to give it a taste.

Tamale Festival Schedule

The schedule for this weekend's tamale festival in Indio. Will there be hot tubs? If it doesn't warm up considerably, I'll probably stay home. Officially, the temperature in Palm Springs got down to 36 last night. My thermometer says it was just a tad under 40 here.